whats in a word?

i never had a favorite color. maybe white would do. but really.

i still dont. if you'd really like to know, i'm at least aware that i dont look well in orange or pale grey but i wouldn't say i hate them. those fun online color tests dont really do me much justice. maybe how i'd be feeling for the day. in my childhood i once thought i was a purple but then again i was never that crazed of a fan of purple. rainbow colors are either not enough for me or quite a lot.

im open to most. variety is the spice of life.

last night i was with Bacs, one of my dearest friends in the island, enjoying a sedated evening dinner at the market after the delirious debauchery of the moon landing the night before. she was telling me about how she and a lovely bunch of other local girls had given themselves their own words.

you see to have a "word" is to have something to live by for an entire year or so. a word to remind you of the roads you will choose or have chosen to take. a word that envelopes your being. things you probably know by now.

so i thought to myself. what was my word? not that im a fleeting character (or so i believe) as i had begun this entry, i never really had a favorite color, expression or word even to live by. yet then one day it came to me.--sometime hella early january this year. as i was going thru personal adjustments here and there it made me look back and examine, what really brought me here? (among other eye opening self interrogations)

plucked me out from the clouds like a flower in the morning sky from my already and almost comfortably predictable life where i thought i had control-of-things-but-not-really hullabaloo And then it came to me. "tadhana". yes tadhana. " in tagalog it means DESTINY. tadhana. that was me. that was this. that was that. that was mine. whether it was on my own terms or not things came their way.

or what you had given a NO to feels now like the biggest YES of all time. yup the giddy kind.

and within seconds i blurted out the word of the century when Bacs asked me if I had one. tadhana. anything that happens that comes in to view in its own smooth way is where it was supposed to be and ever changing will these come by.

and my first born whether it would be a boy or a girl, i would name tadhana. whoever fathers wherever i would conceive. tadhana. and if someone were to steal that name i wouldnt flinch an inch. its still mine and i know what it is to me.

buuuuuuuut thats a bit far from my priorities right now.

feels good to find something for yourself. however so seemingly small. moreover this is why i name my blog embracing tadhana. regret if you must but dont hold on to it. appreciate it for what you can. learn from it. understand why it was this and not that. . dont keep thoughts that will put you down.everything that takes place leads us to fate

so, whats your word? ;)

This is just the beginning

In three months. I had the homesick bug. the enegry zappers. the grown up stuff that bore me to tears at its magnitude. the obscurity. catching myself twice on a nasty habit or two. the sharks. the transcient aethiest date. wolves in sheep's clothing.

but gradually you find your pace. you build your space. the true gems start to shine. the kindred souls. the sticks and stones that make this place be called a home.

i wouldnt say "you name it". but these are what found its way to sit around in the corners of my plate. its a curtain call of my first day in college.

real life changing events ever so animate in the least theatrical demeanor but in a slow and numbing surprise.

and now life is about to start again. i wouldn't trade it all in a heartbeat.

mom, pets and second mom-older sister.. i miss you all but i dont think im in kansas anymore.

and i'm kinda liking it here.