my space

 before i said goodbye to my mt luho home. here's a quick tour of the prettiest apartment i have ever lived in. a sampling of what my (now defunct) early mornings were like in the mountain island.

                                                    it was a rainy 630am

was all showered and ready to start another day at work

  

                                 but as soon as i was done with breakfast

                                the weather just pressed on a little harder

                     i decided to have a little post breakfast read

                                        to pass away the time

 

                                        and yes camwhore a little


i miss having my own space. i have been back home in this dirty city for two months now shacking up with my mother and brother. they're alright i'll tell you and my cats have now recognized me already. but just recently i had an interesting personal experience--that unknowingly had deepened things into perspective on this side of the fence. isn't awesome how some things can make you feel like you've come home or wake up to a whole new world? i sort of know what to do now more. i suppose i would like to have my own space again. here in Manila perhaps or somewhere else in the Philippines, maybe back in Boracay or elsewhere in the world. hopefuly it would be as pretty as my apartment loft (more pretty pictures from my phone to come--now where did i put that damn cable?...). But for now I'll hang around and work til I can save up enough to support my next "big" move.


and it feels like its just around the corner ;)

lovely living : Mt. Luho

welcome to my neighborhood! scroll down for pictures and you will see why i'm glad i chose this place on my second house hunt.

every morning mt luho is my jogging route. a little further down the stretch comes this kickass view.

bolabog beach--the coast of the island where my apartment is at, is a happening place from months of november to march/feb for the Amihan season (east wind). this is where kiteboarders and windsurfers from all over the world come to play. bolabog is voted one of the best kitesurfing places in asia.

righ now habagat season (west wind) had just begun. bolabog and mt luho are now a still and quiet beauty. hence the house arrest i am now in from the weekend long rains. when in doubt--blog.

the smallest building of the three in this picture, right most and white-- is my apartment buiilding! in the island we are known as bahay boracay it is a magnificent beach house. i may well regret leaving but id rather look at it this way-- extremely  grateful to have spent my latest occupancy in the island here. i mean, how often do you ever get to stay in a crib like this? bahay boracay is considerably far from the "town" and you will need to walk a certain distance or call for land transportation to get you around. yet unlike my first 6 months i was out every night and day uncontrollably.  living here has made me stay home more than i ever did (on the island! haha) fresh morning air, sunrise. a spectacular view of the cove. i count myself lucky <3

and so my lullabye for this gorgeous locale. take me somewhere nice by mogwai <3

special thanks to koi busalla for the pictures and letting me tweak them a bit :)

manila-boracay: there and back again

back in the island--shortly upon my arrival almost abruptly i concluded to a decision to book my flight en route manila together with my mom from her business trip here (next week). earlier on when i had just walked in my city home, i had not the clearest answer to my folks when asked what i had planned for. naive, irresponsible and childish it may had seemed but believe me-- i had a plan.

i just needed to feel it out. before i may come to a conclusion, before i may plan. and there was just one surest event in my manila agenda-- to seal my consultancy deal (the steadiest client cash flow) with my former artist/event management company (which i had nailed neat and clean).

but after 6 months--some things never change and somethings have. i almost forgot that i had put a 6 month quota on myself at the start of all this. its a lovely place-- iknow. i cant always come back when i want to and take people back home with me to share what ive found. being back home felt like i was always the same person and simultaneously otherwise. living in paradise island has taught me:

1. simple living

my room and my things --day in and day out i could not keep myself from going through the stuff in my room--albeit the entire house. what never felt like a lot now feels like too much! i got sooooo much things that i dont need that i am excited than ever to move back home and put up a garage sale. 

our kitchen--unabashedly without my mother's consent (yet eventually so) i had put our kitchen apart and back together. to have me living in my moms house would mean full household authority and domineering meant well.

when i flew back into my (boracay) apartment equally i found a lot among my things that i dont really need anymore. i am taking you home and out you go to the yard sale in a few weeks!

2. i know what i want to be and what i want to do for the rest of my life

i want to be a publicist and a good one of course. day and night, little or much, in between procrastinations i read up or write down some stuff that would make good practice and challenge. even if its just to keep me in the loop and picking my brain for avenues to discover and brand my own sense of style to the profession. i ve tried tons of things in the creatiive department career. im a fine arts graduate and for some what the hell am i doing here and trying this out. artists need not to be translating craft traditionally. theres an art to all things.

3. in relation to number #2

i know myself more. i might take a few seconds to find the right adjectives to describe myself but i know what i'll go for and i know what i wont faster than the speed of light. knowing myself has given me so much courage to speak my mind and in the event people were to argue, i'll know where i stand and how to put them in their place ;)


4. i cannot be with a man who

thinks he's an alpha male just when he is only a simba. real alpha males need not to prove themselves to you. neither are they threatened by you (oh most importantly god almighty!). theyll just pick you up and show you how its done. it can be any age! they give you tons of affection as much as they give you space (hehehehehehehe).  furthermore, i cannot be with someone who's perfume is girlier than mine. i cannot be with someone is not open to the world-- a prep.

5. i will not be with a man just for the hell of having it.

i value my happiness. my happiness is my vanity. a high maintenance vanity.

6. i love my family.

theyre just cooler than ever quirks, smirks and all. we dont need much. just each other. i am so grateful for my mother. i am so grateful for all of them. their worries worry me sick and break my heart like a trainwreck out of hell.  i have broken my moms (and dad's) heart in countless ways imaginable by just being me-- but they always managed to tell me that its ok. i may seem like the irritable impatient and defensive little one but my love for them is immeasurable <3 <3

7. talk shit less and be a mean girl for a good reason

bully the astonishingly stupid and rude. defend the affected and stand up for what is good. i reprimand not go out of hand.

*****

is that it? i know theres more.

all in all. ive never felt so secure. it hasnt been always a bed of roses living here and adjusting to the new life that i have made for myself down here in the beach. i have gained weight and it grosses me to know that the aging has kicked in and i'm borderline my limit-hence  the renovations have begun.

thats my bestfriend in the entire planet and consequently my imoto (little sister in japanese) --rozie delgado. my first night out in manila. in this particular friendship we always end up in the wildest situations possible.  here she is hurting her arm from a completely senseless skateboard fall. while i on the other hand said the craziest shit all night (that i regret and am totally embarrassed of to this minute). when we got to the emergency room, the nurses couldnt keep themselves from gawking and laughing at the passed out ME while rozie got herself checked and x-rayed. whats more-- I DONT REMEMBER TAKING THIS PICTURE!

the given:  we both had a little too much fun.

after so long

im heading back home. just for a few days. after 6 months. it is 10pm Philippine time and I am sleeping in my friday night and playing casper for a sorely early 650am flight. I had checked in the Lazy Dog Bed and Breakfast in Bolabog (new client!) to ensure that i get myself transferred rightfully so to the port area.

not very long ago in blogspot (two entries past) i was rapping up about getting here and seemingly settling in. it is fickle of me to say that right about now i am relieved to be heading back to the city and be in the company of familiarity. perhaps i am excited to see what it would be like to be with the people and communities i have always known. perhaps i am excited to see the comparison between manila and boracay on a grander scale. perhaps i am excited to see the faces of them on the very moment of my purposely unannounced arrival. monsoon season fever? i'll never know. perhaps. maybe.

i have gained weight (yes, ugh). moved homes. made friends. made new clients. volunteered for a tattoo. spotted the weakest links. learned or developed a gusto for a foreign language (ett, tvra thrya..) chopped a bit of my hair on my own as a sign of my frustration,boredom and/or need for creativity (it happens). discovered a favorite place. and most of all found my strengths. things that i want to do/be for the rest of my life. things that i can live with and cant live with in order to cultivate my being.

i've been an island in an island a little bit too long.

its time to go home and check it out.

perhaps i am excited to see what the island has made me.

whats in a word?

i never had a favorite color. maybe white would do. but really.

i still dont. if you'd really like to know, i'm at least aware that i dont look well in orange or pale grey but i wouldn't say i hate them. those fun online color tests dont really do me much justice. maybe how i'd be feeling for the day. in my childhood i once thought i was a purple but then again i was never that crazed of a fan of purple. rainbow colors are either not enough for me or quite a lot.

im open to most. variety is the spice of life.

last night i was with Bacs, one of my dearest friends in the island, enjoying a sedated evening dinner at the market after the delirious debauchery of the moon landing the night before. she was telling me about how she and a lovely bunch of other local girls had given themselves their own words.

you see to have a "word" is to have something to live by for an entire year or so. a word to remind you of the roads you will choose or have chosen to take. a word that envelopes your being. things you probably know by now.

so i thought to myself. what was my word? not that im a fleeting character (or so i believe) as i had begun this entry, i never really had a favorite color, expression or word even to live by. yet then one day it came to me.--sometime hella early january this year. as i was going thru personal adjustments here and there it made me look back and examine, what really brought me here? (among other eye opening self interrogations)

plucked me out from the clouds like a flower in the morning sky from my already and almost comfortably predictable life where i thought i had control-of-things-but-not-really hullabaloo And then it came to me. "tadhana". yes tadhana. " in tagalog it means DESTINY. tadhana. that was me. that was this. that was that. that was mine. whether it was on my own terms or not things came their way.

or what you had given a NO to feels now like the biggest YES of all time. yup the giddy kind.

and within seconds i blurted out the word of the century when Bacs asked me if I had one. tadhana. anything that happens that comes in to view in its own smooth way is where it was supposed to be and ever changing will these come by.

and my first born whether it would be a boy or a girl, i would name tadhana. whoever fathers wherever i would conceive. tadhana. and if someone were to steal that name i wouldnt flinch an inch. its still mine and i know what it is to me.

buuuuuuuut thats a bit far from my priorities right now.

feels good to find something for yourself. however so seemingly small. moreover this is why i name my blog embracing tadhana. regret if you must but dont hold on to it. appreciate it for what you can. learn from it. understand why it was this and not that. . dont keep thoughts that will put you down.everything that takes place leads us to fate

so, whats your word? ;)

This is just the beginning

In three months. I had the homesick bug. the enegry zappers. the grown up stuff that bore me to tears at its magnitude. the obscurity. catching myself twice on a nasty habit or two. the sharks. the transcient aethiest date. wolves in sheep's clothing.

but gradually you find your pace. you build your space. the true gems start to shine. the kindred souls. the sticks and stones that make this place be called a home.

i wouldnt say "you name it". but these are what found its way to sit around in the corners of my plate. its a curtain call of my first day in college.

real life changing events ever so animate in the least theatrical demeanor but in a slow and numbing surprise.

and now life is about to start again. i wouldn't trade it all in a heartbeat.

mom, pets and second mom-older sister.. i miss you all but i dont think im in kansas anymore.

and i'm kinda liking it here.